I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
