Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
