Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
God, I missed his penis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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