she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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