DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
