she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
