there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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