If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
