all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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