in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
