I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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