i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
