I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
