so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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