He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
