Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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