we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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