I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
