I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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