I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
