He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
