literally had 100 drinks last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
