the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
