My nipple is on Facebook.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
