Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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