What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sext me about skeletons
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
