Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
