Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
