that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
