ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
