video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
