just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
