Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
