she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
