My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
