My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ketchup is God's man juice
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
