My room smells like vodka and shame
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
