did you get engaged???
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When are your genitals available?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
