I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
