Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
