guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
