I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
