Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
