we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
