I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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