fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
