And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
