god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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