I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
