I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
