her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
